A slack jaw and single, heavy thud of my heart as I look between them
and realise the events that will follow.
A gulp as I swallow my fantasies for him and bury them deep.
A shrug as I shake off any unjust and un-entitled feelings of betrayal
that threaten to cloud her in my head.
" Its fine," I hear my brain whisper softly to my heart.
"He's not yours and she is great"
Crying would feel good, but I can't muster a single sob.
I wade through my pain with a bittersweet smile on my lips.
My love for him has long seemed unrealistic, but I had hooked my heart
on these silly dreams.
She is an easy friend. Funny, beautiful, social and sparky.
He obviously has seen this in her too.
Shame he never saw it in me.
Crashing into new realities hurt.
That would be me some years ago...
You know, it's hard for me.
I don't know and have no idea how to love again.
Sometimes I ask:
How old is love?
How hard is love?
What's love all about?
Does is hurt more than it hurted before?
Is it nice?
Is it warm?
Is it sweet?
Is it strange?
How do you find love?
Is it to hard to find?
And than someone just tells me: wait and you will find out with time.
The tome makes sense at all...
But you, I'm tired of all of this.